question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
