I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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