peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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