i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
