she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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