I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
