Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
