The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me I should be a condom model.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
