I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
