so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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