I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
