Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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