Do vagina's smell?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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