can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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