do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
