dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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