People in love make me want to vomit
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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