we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
