happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
