i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
