My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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