can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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