Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
