Nicole vs. Life
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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