So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is my gift to your gina
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
