I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
