You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
