And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
