i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize