this beer tastes like vomit already
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
