They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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