i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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