if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
