remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
