I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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