how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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