We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
