Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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