The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
