I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
