I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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