He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
