He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
