You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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