Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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