Tell her she can't have a vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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