She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
