half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
