I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
