I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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