woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
