i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
