Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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