I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
