And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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