i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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