I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
