Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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