I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
