Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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