I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
