therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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