somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
