I seem to have left my pride at pride
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
