I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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