Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
